Greenpeace tax and preview of the ideal Slinky … bike

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Dear Greenpeace,

Thank you for your email. While I am very supportive of your direct action and watch your activities online e.g. BP rig makes u-turn amid Greenpeace protest there is actually somehow an error. I didn’t have a direct debit with you and my name is Rhys not Ryys.

I don’t know what’s happened but I’m going to take this opportunity to ask the readers of my blog to support you and your direct action

I had a bicycle stolen from me very recently. It was nothing special – a cheapish rigid-framed aluminium bike fitted with cheap semi-slick road tyres. I’ve got one or two other bikes – three [8.45pm two now] actually, all second hand – but that was my favourite and I was intending to pass the others on.

I’ve been designing the ideal ‘Slinky …’ bike to replace it and was intending to tax users of the design with a donation to yourselves. Here’s a preview of the spec. This is an early draft and I’ve been considering different sized wheels, etc. 

If any of my loaded readers are so inclined, I can only accept an anonymously donated bike e.g. I can’t accept if I see your details on the delivery note.

… I want a donation of at least £10 to Greenpeace for each one built to this design for yourself. Don’t forget the Slinky …

I like rigid mountain bikes with slick or semi-slick tyres. 

Decent quality so that it will take many years of reqular use, 70 miles per week

Aluminium frame or better

Cartridge bottom bracket

Medium size
I like a fairly upright riding position, swept back cruiser or bullhorn style bars 25cm rise

Target weight 9kg or less if possible. No heavier than 12kg.
24 gear derailleur. Need a low first for the hills while the bike is loaded, clunk on the highest cog

175mm or 180mm crank options

Black metal cage pedals SYMMETRICAL!

26″ sealed bearing double-walled wheels. Wheels may need to be rebuilt to accept wider, higher pressure tyres

Rim brakes, quality cantilever fitted with replacable pad cartridges – do not need pad position adjustment once set properly

Tapered roller bearing with adjustment like motorcycle swinging arms for head bearings. Uncertain that this is necessary and may be overkill introducing unnecessary weight. Sealed bearings? Push-fit sealed bearings won’t have any adjustment – so what? – but will be durable

Slick or semi-slick tyres 26 x 2.10 with puncture protection. Tyres to accept at least 90/110 PSI. At least 65 psi spec if not possible and will run 65/70.

Twist grip gear change is acceptable
Stubby wide mudguards in black gloss or matt

The squareish black alloy low-riders front and rear if possible. Otherwise sturdy black alloy rack at rear.

Midnight blue with

Slinky … 
in small but noticable pink handwriting style both sides front of top tube. No other branding

Legally required deflectors ,[8.50pm reflectors, deflectors would be great] to be satisfied using discrete adhesive stickers

Long rectangular lights mounted horizontally front and rear ratio ge5:1

I wouldn’t be surprised that I’ve started a meme now with everyone greeting each other “Slinky” on my local cycle track ;) I hope someone calls me Slinky.

Anyway, best wishes and I hope that I have taxed some of my readers for you.



5/2/21 Hyde race 54cm new or used (ed: or a URB 8.8 or 8.9 M) would be very welcome. Anonymous please.

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